At first, she was awesome. She didn't just say, "You're so normal! Everything is so normal!!!" She was actually pissed off right along with me. I was deep in the anger phase. So deep in anger that it sometimes scared me. And this woman would be all like, Yeah! What happened to you is bullsh*t! (basically). And that's what I needed at the time. Someone to just sit and not tell me it's all okay, but that it wasn't okay, that it was a horrible injustice, that I had a right to vent and rage and just hate the world if that's how I felt.
But how far do you get toward any semblance of "healing" when your therapist is all Yeah the world just sucks! I mean it was refreshing in a way, but after awhile, I don't think either of us knew where we were going with our sessions or our dialogue.
She never actually had a "plan" for our sessions or topics she wanted to get at. It was always So how are you doing? And she'd let me bitch for a solid hour. Great, but you know, I could talk to a wall for an hour and it'd be a lot cheaper. I kind of thought that as an actual psychologist she would have some tools up her sleeve or some kind of methods to her madness, but it really didn't seem that way. I should add here that I am a licensed school counselor, so I am familiar with a lot of methods used in counseling, and I just didn't see this woman doing a whole lot of "work".
At one point, when I opened up to her about my lack of faith and feeling God betrayed me, she actually did something that made my jaw about hit the floor. She started going on and on about Judaism and how I should really check it out, how it doesn't contain x, y, z hypocrisies that the Christian faith does.
Can we say UNPROFESSIONAL?! You do NOT try to convert your clients' religious orientation! Basic ethics, lady!
She also pushed drugs on me, two different perscriptions. One was an antidepressant, and the other was some sort of heavy painkiller. When I asked her how I would know when I needed to take the painkiller, she said Oh just you know, when you feel like you want to just relax. I said, "Well, I don't really like taking anything unless I really need it." She said, Lindsay, you poor thing, you have been through SO MUCH. You just deserve a break, you really do. Taking this pill will be like taking a really good strong drink. Just like, "ahhhhh" and relaxation. Which is what you deserve.
Is it just me, or does she seem like a pill head to you?
Is it just me, or does it seem horribly reckless for her to have been prescribing me more than one medication that would have numbing effects? Doesn't it seem counter-productive, in a way?
I almost stopped seeing her after that session. But then I went back for one more. At which point, she told me (with regard to losing my son), You know what? It really could be worse. You could have been pregnant with triplets and then had one of them born disabled. And then have to watch the two healthy children interact while their disabled triplet misses out on so much in life.
First of all, WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO MY EXPERIENCE?
Second of all....No.
Just no, no no.
That isn't worse, not at all.
There are a lot of reasons why that is not worse.
That woman she speaks of did not have to bury her child.
I almost laughed in my therapist #2's face that day, truly, and I wish I would have. I wish I would have laughed hysterically and told her that therapists are trusted professionals that are paid to say the right things in a world where most people say everything wrong or avoid us entirely.
Three strikes, three red flags, and she was out.
Shame on her.