tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post2883091401928103213..comments2023-07-16T02:00:55.966-07:00Comments on Joy and Sorrow, Intertwined.: Is the first year after loss really the worst?JoyAndSorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03923776278331956351noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-86502827566679362052012-04-17T15:34:23.271-07:002012-04-17T15:34:23.271-07:00I loved this post. It's true. I always think o...I loved this post. It's true. I always think of the analogy that my grief counselor shared - when your baby dies, it's as if someone hands you a heavy, black ball. You can't put it down, you have to carry it - you will always have to carry it. And it's ugly and you have no stamina for it and you hate it and it hurts to carry it. But gradually you build up your arm muscles so you can carry it for longer without it hurting, you learn to look around the ball and see a little way ahead, you even find things to cover the ball to make it a little less ugly. The ball never shrinks, never leaves your arms but you get stronger and more adept at carrying it. That's what I think changes as you leave the first year behind.Fireflyforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15290560217994184778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-64192085957701270212012-04-16T14:47:06.777-07:002012-04-16T14:47:06.777-07:00Thanks for this! It will be 9 months since my son ...Thanks for this! It will be 9 months since my son died, and I've finally accepted that if I get dressed, I've had a successful day. I've brushed at least once a day every day, save one day, for these nine months. I've always been a diligent brusher/flosser, but after Nathaniel I stopped caring so much. Funny how we can mark grief with hygiene habits. I'm so glad to hear this report from where you are!Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01955054876521178314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-60963149671214379342012-04-15T18:37:29.379-07:002012-04-15T18:37:29.379-07:00The 1st yr for me was def the hardest. I'm gla...The 1st yr for me was def the hardest. I'm glad that each year has gotten easier of course we all know we don't stop loving or missing with less intensityHollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15431384515813384025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-42551553032387839292012-04-14T04:17:53.917-07:002012-04-14T04:17:53.917-07:00Brilliant post. The only thing I found harder abou...Brilliant post. The only thing I found harder about the following years was that less people remember. You are more on your own. But I guess the strength you build in that first year, whether you think you are doing it or not, helps you deal with that. I'm coming up four years now, and I know less and less people will contact us on her birthday this year. I have to somehow be ok with that. xoHope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-60580953293260702392012-04-13T11:40:20.473-07:002012-04-13T11:40:20.473-07:00I have been mulling over this post since I read it...I have been mulling over this post since I read it a couple of days ago and must say, what a great epiphany you had! I def think the first year is the worst for many reasons but had not considered that another reason is bc we are reflecting on the prior year. So true! And insightful! I also feel like the pressure leading up to the anniversary makes it awful. Glad we are past year one of that kind of hell!Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09327445812846183545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-75888902209433744932012-04-12T13:41:23.254-07:002012-04-12T13:41:23.254-07:00I love this. And I agree. The first year was. so...I love this. And I agree. The first year was. so. hard. It has to get easier. I can remember in the early days reading posts from bereaved parents who were sad to see the calendar year change, to leave the year of their baby and move forward, to have to say "Two years ago" instead of "Last year." But me? I felt a little bit of relief. Like you said, I want my baby's legacy not to be the pain of loss, but the love that continues. <br /><br />And, yes, I think that a life of love does include good dental appointments and fro-yo.Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05946311309467296976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-69104370807538768722012-04-12T04:44:22.124-07:002012-04-12T04:44:22.124-07:00I'm so glad you shared this! I think people mu...I'm so glad you shared this! I think people must think I'm 8 months out, so I'm doing better. But right now, I'm heading into the time I had with her. I'm coming up on the time I found out I was pregnant, and then everything that comes after that. People don't realize how you have to relive it all (I think you just gave me a new blogpost!).Traceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15740221765514338766noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-71766610605742416902012-04-11T17:02:40.346-07:002012-04-11T17:02:40.346-07:00I have been doing that exact thing, this time last...I have been doing that exact thing, this time last year I was VERY pregnant and hopeful, etc. It is the hardest thing now knowing that I wouldn't have both boys with me! Thank you for opening your heart up to us!Marisa Pagenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-86267762120747978472012-04-11T15:52:34.773-07:002012-04-11T15:52:34.773-07:00Well that was funny and insightful and a great pos...Well that was funny and insightful and a great post! I am 9 months from my loss and it still fucking sucks and the one year mark is looming ahead but... I know I'm better that I was even 5 months ago. I miss Camille the same but I function better. I've compartmentalized better. I communicate better. These are all positive progress in my opinion. They don't change my love or longing but it's nice not to be filled EVERY day with the gut wrenching, sobbing, can't breathe existence that is constant when my daughter first died. Ithanks for this post. I felt similar at my check up. "sorry I didn't brush my teeth, I was busy trying to get out of bed etc."Renelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08490888250385942221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-61818851907721684582012-04-11T15:25:49.115-07:002012-04-11T15:25:49.115-07:00I honestly feel like the first year was hands down...I honestly feel like the first year was hands down the worst year, but I think that's bc I'm so preoccupied with this new pregnancy... Last year I had nothing to focus on, nothing to look forward to, and a whole lot to reminisce about painfully.Lj82https://www.blogger.com/profile/01067562341189588336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-32947898018256794982012-04-11T13:58:15.473-07:002012-04-11T13:58:15.473-07:00SOO true!!SOO true!!Jenn @Treasuring Lifes Blessingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11064643472453403394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-8146372552476098442012-04-11T13:03:31.331-07:002012-04-11T13:03:31.331-07:00I agree - excellent post. You do stop with the &qu...I agree - excellent post. You do stop with the "this time last year" thoughts as the year(s) creep painfully by<br /><br />The dentist is a tough one for me too oddly enough.Carolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00101380791416834049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-3798048221342356552012-04-11T12:58:44.487-07:002012-04-11T12:58:44.487-07:00wow, thanks. I needed this. I am still looking bac...wow, thanks. I needed this. I am still looking back at last year and remembering that this time last year we had a living daughter.Emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11910371746336686970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5262780222421784520.post-66002634141515508322012-04-11T11:09:24.828-07:002012-04-11T11:09:24.828-07:00Excellent post!!Excellent post!!My New Normalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03482513767849843084noreply@blogger.com