Sunday, November 20, 2011

Are you seeing (or have you seen) a therapist after babyloss?

If so, if you could so kindly leave a comment answering the following questions, that would be awesome. (A fellow BLM of mine offered to do a training for the Postpartum Health Alliance in San Diego for therapists on Perinatal Loss.) She would like to know 1. What did you find most helpful from your therapist?, and 2. What did you find least helpful from your therapist? My own therapist experiences I will gladly share with you (and her) soon, but I am exhausted and, well, it's not a post I can just throw together. I have had some wonderful experiences with therapists (well, one of the three I've seen), and I've had some pretty bad experiences as well. So if you are willing to share to help my friend gain some insight for her training, share away. (For the record, my friend is also a loss mom. She lost one of her twins the day before her induction date at 38 weeks. So don't be shy - she "gets it"!)


  1. I was seeing a therapist before losing Adam for post-partum depression. I switched to a new one once Adam died cuz me and the original one weren't clicking. 1. I LOVE my current therapist cuz she tells it like she is. She remains professional, but not in an uptight kind of way. She's not afraid to say things like, this sucks, and she's very blunt in expressing her feelings about what we are going through. That may not work for everyone, and she wasn't like this from the get-go, but for me, I love it. I need someone to speak up about what they feel about it and not just always listen. She's also available whenever and actually encourages me to call her in between our sessions to give her an update of if I need to talk something out. I don't always do that, but it's nice to know she's there. 2. I switched from my original therapist cuz I could tell she was uncomfortable about baby loss and didn't know what to say. I felt like she didn't get. I almost felt like she was bored with me. She was a little too professional and seemed removed from the situation. I didn't like that at all.

    Hope this helps!

  2. For me, it was basically pointless talking with any social workers or therapists who didn't have specific experience working with babylost parents. The woman I meet with sometimes now has worked with several babylost parents before, so she is able to help me put my process in context and offer insights from what she's seen other parents do/think/feel during the grief process. That's helpful.

    As far as what's missing for me in therapy - I need lots more help figuring out how to deal with friends and family. Relationships have all changed so much and it's nearly impossible to navigate well.

  3. I ADORED my therapist. She's a bereavement midwife so her work is exclusively with parents who have lost babies during pregnancy or birth or shortly afterwards. I have no other experience of therapy so can't say for sure but it was important to me that she "got" infant loss, though (as far as I know) not bereaved herself. She saw my husband and I together and that was helpful and important because she acted as bridge between us when things were being misunderstood or lost in our differing griefs. She was excellent at allowing silence and reflective listening - restating stuff we had said so we could both hear it. And she was pretty vital through my subsequent pregnancy - I'm not sure how much sanity I would havee retained without her. I can't think of anything that was unhelpful - as it was a very positive experience.

  4. I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 to 4 months now, my daughter passed away this past July. I've found it to be helpful. She has experience working with parents who have lost children, and actually worked as a nurse in a labor and delivery unit prior. Those aspects have been most helpful, because although she hasn't personally lost a child - she's seen this many times and is very encouraging.